A Surrendered Heart

We just celebrated the Canadian Thanksgiving.  The weeks prior have been personally painstaking for me. There has been much going on that has been a personal challenge.  I have walked through it, entirely relying on the Lord’s strength.  In August, a department of our ministry, The Blessing Fund, took the position of Power of Attorney for a woman who supports the ministry.  With no family that could directly intervene, this was her request. Only two days after my gallbladder surgery, I had to take trips to the hospital, 30 minutes away, several times a week to be present for medical team meetings.  About 3 weeks later, I faced other challenges, a compression fracture at my T12 disc and a flu virus I’m still fighting. (Read the good news here)  Imagine fighting a fever, coughing like mad, while your spine feels like it’s collapsing.  This is what I have been facing.  I only took time to rest and tend to my health while administrating Power of Attorney responsibilities by telephone.  It’s one of the reasons you have not received a new devotional in your email until now.

Next week, we will collect personal items from this dear lady’s apartment as she progresses to Long-Term Care. This lady is a dear soul who has financially supported this ministry for many years. She is also on Ontario Disability and receives less than $1000 each month. She blesses my heart knowing that she makes this sacrifice from the little that she has. Once she enters Long-Term Care, the government will subsidize her care, changing the funds she receives to much less.  I share this because, on a side note, we receive no remuneration to cover our expenses as we continue to be her power of attorney.  As we walk through this, with every step of faith and every challenge we have faced, the Lord has been faithful, reminding my husband and me to continue with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving.  It is truly our pleasure to serve!  When we visited her in the hospital, our mission was to lift her up in prayer, bring her a little treat and some joy, and make her laugh. Her journey has truly been difficult for her. We cannot do this except by continually “dying to self” and surrendering to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Satan creates distractions, frustrations, and a sense of neglect that stirs us.  When these emotions rise, we may feel the need to lash out and show resentment toward others.  We let our own emotions rule, and in the process, Satan has won this battle within us.  He wins because he made us shift our attention to our desires and emotions away from our commitment to Christ.  Once he has done that, we no longer have a heart surrendered to him. Instead, catering to “self” produces sin.

The other day, I called the hospital and spoke to our dear friend. Since I have a severe rasp in my voice because of the virus, my voice did not sound like mine on the phone. She questioned if it was me and hung up. I could have become offended, and it stung for a moment, but I knew I could not rely on those emotions, or I would be harbouring something in my heart that would be a roadblock.  It’s a lesson I’ve preached one hundred times.

Storing up negative emotions is self-sabotage in our walk with the Lord. Yet, a heart of thanksgiving opens doors of mercy from God’s hand.  That heart of thanksgiving is not free unless one lives with a surrendered heart, daily “dying to self”. Not want we want, but what do you want, Lord? May we learn what it means to deeply live each day, “dying to self” with a surrendered heart.